Pain is a reality of living. And I have learned to deal with it. When I need a shot I close my eyes and wait for it to be over. When I scrape my knee I put on a band-aid and let the healing process begin. But internal pain is so much harder to deal with. What I crave does not have an easy solution or one that my body’s cells will unite in order to fix. My mind plays tricks and can lull my entirety into believing a lie.
And it is moments like this where I crave touch. I just want someone to hold me and slowly run his fingers through my hair. We don’t need to talk or figure things out—the presence of someone who cares can speak more than audible reassurance. The simple gift of time and closeness is all I crave right now. My insecurities bubble to the surface and shout to me that I don’t matter. They tell me that if I was worth something I wouldn’t feel so alone. That is I was loved I wouldn’t have this longing.